Being Wacky on This Side of the Pond
I came home late the other night from the third session of Share Jesus Without Fear. The kids didn't want to go to bed, it was late and my brain was fried, so it took me a long time to express to my wife what was on my heart. That's okay, she's used to my rambles. It's how I think.
Mostly I've been struck by how little I have spoken of what is most real to me with those who don't know Christ. The Lord has put this burden on me, for a world that is dying without Him, and it's getting heavier. Yet here I sit.
You know, this whole journey started out with discussions about what we were doing with our lives. I remember walking around our snooty neighborhood one night and saying, "This isn't us. We don't belong here." After some prayer and reflection, we both come to realize that the priorities we claimed to have did not match the life we were actually living. We were great at talking the Great Commission, but the evidence of our lives was more American Dream.
Now, five years later, we're working toward foreign missions. That's a big step, right? I mean, taking your family overseas in obedience to God is pretty impressive, huh?
And yet.
The fact is that I'm still living a lot the same way I was five years ago. The changes I thought were so big - quitting my job to go to seminary, moving out of town to a small house, working at a church - are really just a change of scenery. I'm not sure I'm having any more of an impact on the Kingdom of Heaven now than I was five years ago. I like to think my heart has changed, but so far the only evidence is, well, this. This blog. Words. Intentions. And we all know the road Good Intentions paved...
I guess what I'm saying is, it's time for my actions to start matching my heart. Not later, now. Not when I graduate, not when I move to another country, now.
I was a little dismayed when I heard that the missions organization I am working with wants me to tell them about the last person I led to Christ, preferably in the last twelve months. The fact is, I haven't done anything like that, not really. At first I thought it wasn't fair, that it put too much pressure on me, but now... Now I'm glad. Call it what you want, that's a fruit test. And my life simply hasn't measured up. If I'm serious about this being the direction of my life, I need to start living it on this side of the pond, before I ever think about doing it somewhere else.
Mostly I've been struck by how little I have spoken of what is most real to me with those who don't know Christ. The Lord has put this burden on me, for a world that is dying without Him, and it's getting heavier. Yet here I sit.
You know, this whole journey started out with discussions about what we were doing with our lives. I remember walking around our snooty neighborhood one night and saying, "This isn't us. We don't belong here." After some prayer and reflection, we both come to realize that the priorities we claimed to have did not match the life we were actually living. We were great at talking the Great Commission, but the evidence of our lives was more American Dream.
Now, five years later, we're working toward foreign missions. That's a big step, right? I mean, taking your family overseas in obedience to God is pretty impressive, huh?
And yet.
The fact is that I'm still living a lot the same way I was five years ago. The changes I thought were so big - quitting my job to go to seminary, moving out of town to a small house, working at a church - are really just a change of scenery. I'm not sure I'm having any more of an impact on the Kingdom of Heaven now than I was five years ago. I like to think my heart has changed, but so far the only evidence is, well, this. This blog. Words. Intentions. And we all know the road Good Intentions paved...
I guess what I'm saying is, it's time for my actions to start matching my heart. Not later, now. Not when I graduate, not when I move to another country, now.
I was a little dismayed when I heard that the missions organization I am working with wants me to tell them about the last person I led to Christ, preferably in the last twelve months. The fact is, I haven't done anything like that, not really. At first I thought it wasn't fair, that it put too much pressure on me, but now... Now I'm glad. Call it what you want, that's a fruit test. And my life simply hasn't measured up. If I'm serious about this being the direction of my life, I need to start living it on this side of the pond, before I ever think about doing it somewhere else.
posted by Publius | 5:25 PM
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