The Subversive Church

Becoming ever more convinced of how little I know about what it means to be the Kingdom of Heaven.

Name:
Location: Boston, MA

Monday, May 21, 2007

Kicking myself. Maybe.

I still wonder if I should be kicking myself right now.

It was a good weekend. I got together, for maybe the last time, with a large group of my friends from college. We hung out together on the river, cooked a great meal, then sat around the fire and told stories till the wee hours. We even broke out a few guitars and sang bad old songs from the old days.

I had been praying for this weekend for along time. You see, as far as I know, none of those friends of mine are believers. Especially since this may have been the last time I'll see them all together, I wanted to take the chance to share with them the hope I have in Jesus, the reason I'm following God's call on my life. I prayed in earnest for that one moment, when the evening was quiet and the time was just right, and somebody asked, "So, why exactly are you doing what you're doing?" You know, one of those 'WITNESS HERE' moments, when you know you've been put there just to share the Gospel.

And the moment never came.

Oh, there were plenty of opportunities. There were plenty of conversational lulls within which I could have spoken up, "So, uhh, y'all are probably wondering why I'm doing what I'm doing..." But I never did. It never seemed right. And now that chance is gone, and we're all back home again, living our separate lives.

So I'm wondering if I should be kicking myself. Did I wisely resist the temptation to force something that wasn't there, or did I just chicken out? On the one hand, tact is important. I want my friends to know that I care about them for who they are, not just as targets for evangelism. On the other hand, tact is hard. It's much easier just to tiptoe around a subject, perhaps never even bringing it up at all. It's more comfortable for them and for me to just ignore my faith, to ignore the difference between us and 'just get along.' But if that's all I'm doing, then what good am I? If my faith is without works, is it really dead?